♥
Monday
it is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already know
this night is all we've got
♥
i think i did a pretty good job
since all i wish was for you to be happy
i shouldnt mind what u said
for i myself know what is the truth
i am no where near second place
and i guess i would never be
you think you will never know is
i tried really hard this time round
all we have is jus a friendship like this
one that makes me cry so hard
feels so hurt
and will not try again
at times like this, i really wonder
which i rather not
anyway, happy birthday, big girl
i will no longer protect you
nor be the first to hear your sorrows
nor be the first to advice you on your life
i am feeling just so not worth it anymore
i have to walk away
now
♥
Friday
i slapped my book down in a silent expressway bus ride
at a neighbour whose guts have went way wrong
fancy leaning on me
choosing what you call a weak victim
proven wrong and shameless,you are
despite the look of your lowlife ordinary features
what a uncivilised scumbag
♥
when u came forward to do something out of your own will
you have to face its pros and cons
no matter how you faced it
no matter what you think of it
it shall never be ever the same way it will and suppose to be
when u strike a power against someone
unseem and caught and alarmed
when those tears of betray dries up
what would you wan to see
is there even a half a rainbow behind this?
in the world, i just cant see any beautiful things
left untouched anymore
♥
Wednesday
after a fucking 34 waste my time minutes
i am left with no choice but to reformat pipi
seriously shit, seriously
i am taking pipi to back up data before doing so
it feels like life doesnt exist for the past 4 months
i need my pipi back really.
if reborn, i will name it pipi the second
♥
Tuesday
i have loved and lost
now i just come back to fear
back to square one, where these cold feelings start once again
the fear of having to be given up on
these fears, who will come and confront them
it's just not the same
♥
Monday
everything i just wrote i have jus backspaced
like u said
i always think abt myself
maybe i should not think abt myself anymore
♥
i ask no one to grant me a memory loss for those i fell down for
he granted
memory loss
one of the best things that help me to erase with every heartache each time
i dunwan to continue to do that now
but i cant seem to take it in
now i ask no one to grant me a full memory, happy and sad in exchange of blood
will he then answer
a yes for my trickling blood
♥
Tuesday
whatever am i gonna do
when nth seems to be in your hands
when your mobile can fail you
your pet doesnt listen to your calling
your lappie died on you
the unretreiveable photos and memories
no one at the other end of your line
the one who ignores you hears you cry
you sold your beloved nds lite
you lost your ear piece and charger
the parents give u a whole lot of shit
your gf is sick
you dunno who to turn to
you have trashy mondays and weeks to come
you have nothing to really look forward to
for the entire month
when your moody friend tells you he is moody and you cannt tell him tt too
♥
tonight even as Jr. does his ignorance on me like every night
tonight was left for a night to wandering
wandering of relfections
crazy amounts of illusions
extremely negative
drowning in sorrows and sorrows
maybe it's back to square one
when alcohol is the only one who would listen to you
♥
i am starting to forget what i really need and want
the aimlessness i am in
the daily dullness and giving in
i gave up decisions, plenty of it
and tried as best as i could to keep those i really stand by
but for those, i am called stubborn
i have never said anything in my life
so many times den now
nth is ever enough
i realise
even in someone you love
you may never find the exact things u look for
i wish in other circumstances
i get a hug
a night with you staying over
again, it's too much to ask
but no one will understand
that i am still here crying
still crying every night
if comfort and love is two separate ways
where should i be?
♥
Monday
eat sleep repeat
do u think depression is the word anymore
or these tears and words that stung many were said only to keep people away
or are they jus a disguised to really go in deep
yes
to others it's not the biggest deal ever
but it is to me
triggers and triggers of it
i've been feeling one blunt dagger poking in and in
ever blunt but into my flesh,it seems
i'm just not good enough for life or anybody
why am i saying this?
and i suppose it's to your pleasure to see me falling apart
right
i hate life and i hate all of you
♥
depression is definitely almost back
it feels like life has taken its toll on me
these two weeks is far more crap den i ever had for a long time
pipi is sold, now the other pipi died on me
screwed up timetables keep changing on me
all i wan is jus a no questions asked comforting
i cant calm down, i cant relax
it's not like i dun know you are concern, i jus dun need questions to fuck me up now
tell me who likes to be questioned when they feel fucked
noone indeed
it's not impt to you, doesnt mean it's not impt to me
i am freaking depressed here and you cant even understand
you wunt be able to
no one will
♥
Saturday
basically, i've been working towards short term goals and still havent reached some of the long term ones
now it's starting to make me angry
yes i am
i am the angst kid in the family for all the right reasons
the unreasonable one for being the youngest
and the rebellious one because i couldnt follow in my sister's steps
i walk mine
i messed it up
all over again and walk
i dunno really i don't
yes i chose to wan to yearn for understanding
thinking others will probably know me better than myself
the truth is
i try to deny that
i am the only one who understands myself
and amen to that
♥
Friday
super randoms
1. you increase yr lor mee by 50cents. now, get me back my half-a-egg-pleasure!
2. my dad has white nostril hairs. WOW!
3. if orchard is town, everywhere else should be mid-town.
4. i wish i can rename my bunny shitface, at least it wunt be on the floor anymore
5. i cant sleep. -moves bed position- oh... now i can!
♥
Tuesday
if every entry i wanna scream into a world no one will listen
turns into lil ice cubes
stuck frozen on the ice trays
locked in the coldest, most neglected place in the freezer
would that be just wonderful?
cause i cant tell no screw up
cause i cant find my voice
that that used to soar
♥
Sunday
i decided to give another go at life
having to live in this same world i once called happy and pathetic
after knowing the complications of living
living on just makes it harder for everyone
whatever it is going to be
with friends i love, family and her
everything shall shine through
clay, show them a world of wonders =)
♥
Wednesday
i'm not gonna pretend to be someone i am not
but i do feel i am very particular
of course i hate you
just see how moronic it can get
i quit wasting my time on people i dun wan to associate with
and you
hang out with people you may not like
you think putting yourself through this is happiness
plain bullshit
it's deceiving to self
yuck, i say
i
will
jump
too.
Heartmeter: im feeling purple~